Breaking the Silence: Lines on The Royal Birth

Lines On The Royal Birth 

or My Bid for the Laureateship

The duchess has given birth to a male heir 

Let there be barbecues, son et lumiere

Let bald primadonnas tie ribbons in their hair

Let garden gnomes rejoice in floral borders

Let there be würlitzers and bass recorders 

Let alcoholics put in their last orders

Let bulky policemen wear a skimpy dress

Let rectors rhapsodise and bishops bless

Let there be orgies of public happiness

Let royal correspondents set fire to their pens

Let there be Kate-theme parties in the Fens

Let men use women’s facilities and women men’s

Let windows flap, let buttons be undone 

Let obsessive punsters make the perfect pun 

Let the Windsor sun shine on the Windsor son

Behold the Commonweal’s new wealth of nations

Proclaim an end to our trials and tribulations

The male heir’s here. Begin the celebrations