To be precis(e)

I know this is silly but it amuses me. They are exam-proof book summaries. Five examples. I found them here (authors credited on link.)



1. A CHRISTMAS CAROL


Ebenezer Scrooge: Bah, humbug. You'll work thirty-eight hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at five degrees, and like it.

Ghost of Jacob Marley: Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts of Christmas will come and tell you you're mean.

Three Ghosts of Christmas: You're mean.

Ebenezer Scrooge: At last, I have seen the light. Let's dance in the streets. Have some money.


THE END


*


2. WUTHERING HEIGHTS


Lockwood: I think I'll stay here. Tell me a story, woman.

Nelly Dean: I'm no gossip, mind you, but this guy Heathcliff got adopted, everyone hated him, and his love Catherine died.

Heathcliff: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (dies)

Lockwood: I'll be on my way.


THE END


*


3. THE COLLECTED WORKS OF JANE AUSTEN


Female Lead: I secretly love Male Lead. He must never know.

Male Lead: I secretly love Female Lead. She must never know.

(They find out.)


THE END


*

4. BEOWULF


Hrothgar: Let's build a big old dining hall and call it Herot.

(They do. Then Grendel, an ugly guy, takes over Herot and eats people. Beowulf rips his arm off.)

All: You rule, Beowulf.

(Some people make SPEECHES and tell IRRELEVANT STORIES. Beowulf kills some more STUFF.)

Beowulf: Wiglaf, I'm dying. See that my funeral pyre fits my greatness.

Wiglaf: Ok.


THE END


*


5. THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER


Ancient Mariner: I am creepy and old. Listen to me.

Wedding Guest: I'm late, but I'll listen.

Ancient Mariner: I killed an albatross. Then everyone died.


THE END


*


Bonus for getting this far:


6. METAMORPHOSIS


Gregor Samsa: Holy crap, I'm a vermin thingie!

(He DIES...eventually.)



THE END