Monday, 31 August 2009
To be precis(e)
I know this is silly but it amuses me. They are exam-proof book summaries. Five examples. I found them here (authors credited on link.)
1. A CHRISTMAS CAROL
Ebenezer Scrooge: Bah, humbug. You'll work thirty-eight hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at five degrees, and like it.
Ghost of Jacob Marley: Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts of Christmas will come and tell you you're mean.
Three Ghosts of Christmas: You're mean.
Ebenezer Scrooge: At last, I have seen the light. Let's dance in the streets. Have some money.
2. WUTHERING HEIGHTS
Lockwood: I think I'll stay here. Tell me a story, woman.
Nelly Dean: I'm no gossip, mind you, but this guy Heathcliff got adopted, everyone hated him, and his love Catherine died.
Heathcliff: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (dies)
Lockwood: I'll be on my way.
3. THE COLLECTED WORKS OF JANE AUSTEN
Female Lead: I secretly love Male Lead. He must never know.
Male Lead: I secretly love Female Lead. She must never know.
(They find out.)
Hrothgar: Let's build a big old dining hall and call it Herot.
(They do. Then Grendel, an ugly guy, takes over Herot and eats people. Beowulf rips his arm off.)
All: You rule, Beowulf.
(Some people make SPEECHES and tell IRRELEVANT STORIES. Beowulf kills some more STUFF.)
Beowulf: Wiglaf, I'm dying. See that my funeral pyre fits my greatness.
5. THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER
Ancient Mariner: I am creepy and old. Listen to me.
Wedding Guest: I'm late, but I'll listen.
Ancient Mariner: I killed an albatross. Then everyone died.
Bonus for getting this far:
Gregor Samsa: Holy crap, I'm a vermin thingie!