Friday, 11 May 2012
On a certain kind of despair 2
One of the difficulties of the situation is that I couldn't help being of the category:male; that despite being an individual man I am not, nor ever could be, detached from the category. The category has been with me throughout my entire life and sometimes I have felt as though my back and heart was breaking under the weight of it, a weight that increases year on year.
I have seen many men dissociate themselves from category:male but I have never completely believed them, just as I have never believed those who say that it is the worst thing of all to be human because humans desecrate the planet. I suspect these are gestures by which people seek to cast off blame and transfer it elsewhere. And of course that must mean that the blame exists, and exists so burningly it must be cut away altogether. In effect they are going around with boards proclaiming: Not in my name. As if such proclamations were anything but a form of narcissism or self-advertising, I am blameless.
Writing this, as I do in despair, I am aware it is likely to be read as an eccentric and pitiable post, somehow not befitting. Saying such things isn't done, except by the mad and pitiable. You are simply not facing the truth, readers will argue. And the whole truth must include the fact that your relations with women have been good. You have been loved.
In other words you are exaggerating. It's the psychological equivalent of 'man-flu': just another example of the vices of which you are being accused (just not in the way you so pitiably think).
It may be so but in this condition I see no sense in being. I feel like saying: if that is the case, kill your male children at birth. Let us have no more males. The individual exceptions only go to prove the rule. The world would be better off without them. It would have been better if they had never existed. Then vice will have been eradicated and such minor vices as the female species might have, which are as nothing in the balance as the Iona Community man claims, might end as no vice at all.
And I remember and always will: your category has no value or virtue; you are all bastards; you are all rapists, as a class, you are no good for anything, furthermore as Greer said somewhere, you hate women. Category:male hates women and the very fact you are writing this is proof that you are of the category:male and that therefore you hate women. QED. You, like all category:male are a misogynist.
I might at some stage write something about why some men might hate womankind. The exercise would involve swimming in deep and dangerous waters where it would be important to draw precise distinctions between niggle, annoyance, dislike and hatred. And with some men, no doubt, it would extend to hatred. But I am not sure such distinctions would be allowed in deep waters so I'll probably just leave it.
I imagine the boys brought up with this consciousness of maleness. I imagine them denying it, hoarding it up in silence, strutting and posing as if to deny it, going on to deny it in acts of rebellion that simply become more instances of their failings and vices. The more they deny the more they become that which they are told they are. The less articulate they are the more they become the thing. They do become haters.
Having said as much I can imagine the counter-argument, which is likely to be the reassertion of the long list of wrongs perpetrated by my category. But of course that is the list I know because I have heard it from the start. And that will be called misogyny. Back to the start. QED.
I myself am an articulate European male. Any moment now someone is going to say, for god's sake shut up and take it. I can hear myself saying it. Take it like a man, it says. Whatever that is. Now I'll shut up. I haven't said any of this.