Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Wymondham Festival Approaching: A Week of Lists 2
Ten phrases I have heard too often.
1. Let's be professional about this and follow proper procedure... - Fill out that form about the form we sent regarding the form you received last week / month / year / decade in an official language of our choosing for which no translation is to be provided.
2. The reality is...- There are various parallel universes in which this too is a reality.
3. In order to improve your experience of our...... - We are cutting fifty jobs, the answering service and the budget for materials while raising your bill.
4. I find that offensive.... - A highly refined form of bullying from a pair of tight white lips. The ultimate nuclear deterrent.
5. We have made it perfectly clear.... - 'I'm not answering that question.'
6. It's all in the White Paper... - 'I'm not answering that question.'
7. Radical, root and branch, seizing the opportunity with both hands... - You lot are getting your redundancy notices next week.
8. We're all in this together. - Well, you are. I myself am otherwise engaged.
9. We must educate the public... - Stand them on their heads and spin them round a few times. They're idiots anyway.
10. Health and Safety...... - Nobody move!