The Crab Doctor and the Lobster: A Maritime Film Noir

This is a Tweet Film Noir. 

Location: The North Sea near Cromer Pier. 
The crab is played by Humphrey Bogart, the lobster by Lauren Baccall. 
But you already knew that.

Scene 1

One rusty stethoscope. One set of greying surgical gloves. One pair of blunt forceps. Life could only get better for the doctor. But not yet

*

There was a card lying by the doctor's rock. NEPHROPS, Norway Lobster, Professional Services. As what? wondered the doctor. And why?

*

It was the cutest lobster this side of the Humber Line the doctor had met in his crab days. Call me Scampi, she said, and smiled.

*

Scampi Langoustine, long of limb, curved an elegant tail and yawned. It was going to be a long night for the doctor.

*

The doctor was accustomed to hard-bitten prose. Nothing was going to change here. Scampi Langoustine, she added. Hi.

*

Her antennae were slender, slightly on the long side. Her kidney eyes gazed at him steadily. Nice orange, said the doctor. For a lobster.

*

NEPHROPS, North Sea Ecological Personnel, High Order Priority Service, she explained. Sure, growled the doctor. A prawn. Sit down.

*

What about the R, asked the doctor. What does it stand for? Everyone stands for something, she murmured. You might find out.

*

Scampi Langoustine, representative of NEPHROPS, was neat as salad dressing. The doctor offered her his own card that said simply: Crab.

*

You don't give much away Doctor Crab, said Langoustine. How far can I trust you? The doctor waved a nonchalant claw. How far are you going?

Next exciting episode follows almost immediately!