Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Consultation by phone
I read (in haste) that it has been suggested that, rather than going to the surgery, patients phone in to their doctors, thereby saving on carbon emissions. Maybe, but I envisage the following:
VOICE: Thank you for calling. All our doctors are busy right now, but your call is important to us. Please hold the line (meanwhile...two hours later....)
VOICE: If you have a runny nose, slight temperature and a touch of sickness, please ring off now. ... If your joints ache and have done so for more than three days, press button 1.... If you are having trouble with your digestion or with your plumbing generally, press button 2.... If you think you've gone blind or deaf or lame or mad, please press button 3. If you would like to hear a brief patronising remark by one of our doctors, please press button 4....
It is button 4 you will grow to know and love.
(Heads off to London.)